The Money Was Just Resting In My Account, Boris

I quote at random from tomorrow’s Mail on Sunday about Ray lewis, Youth Guru and blue-eyed-boy of Boris Johnson.
He was yesterday facing claims that during a posting to the Caribbean island of Grenada in 1997 he organised a charity raffle but failed to give the first prize – a car – to the winner. One of his parishioners there came forward, saying the holder of the winning ticket never received the prize.
I only hope that the writers of ‘Father Ted’ (‘Think Fast Father Ted’ Series 2 8 March 1996 – 10 May 1996) will not be held responsible in any way for the alleged villainies of Ray Lewis, charismatic hero of brand new London Mayor, Boris Johnson and Tory leader, David Cameron, both of whom saw no reason to explore the past of a man with such lantern-jawed get-up-and-go and other public school business cliches.
“Realising that they can’t give the borrowed car away, Ted and Dougal rig the raffle in order for them to win and return the car. The plan involves Ted, as the emcee, calling the number 11. This number will be Dougal’s. On the day of the event, Ted and Dougal work feverishly …”” etc etc
with hilarious consequences. You get the general idea. If there’s a better Father Ted imitation doing the rounds, I’d like to hear about it
Dr Reginald Buckmaire, a longstanding member of the island’s parish council, said the car was going to be bought with the money raised in the raffle.‘We got some and I don’t know what happened to the rest,’ he added. ‘You draw your own conclusions. I feel bad.’ Mail on Sunday
The trouble is that from inside London, as the list of squalor grows, it doesn’t look quite so funny. Still, Boris looked happy enough in his pink hat at yesterday’s Gay Pride, looking festive. And after all, that’s what he’s best at. What his boss, David Cameron is any good at, only time will tell. In fact, as Father Jack would say. “That would be an ecumenical matter….”
The glorious Father Ted was, of course, tragically cut to a mere three series by the death of Dermot Morgan. Londoners won’t be worried about the Old Etonian Twerperies of Bojo & The Chaps ending as suddenly – but without any deaths, naturally.
“Feck!”
– as Boris Johnson would have been saying quite a lot lately, and not for the last time. Expect the similarity to the well-meaning but hapless and bungling Father Ted to fade and the resemblance to the deranged Father Jack to grow as does the pressure of responsibility on this pickled teenager. Or better, as Nye Bevan would have called him, this “petrified adolescent.”
The truth is that Lewis is a bullying weirdo and his cult should be the object of deep suspicion. Like many adults beaten as a child, he believes that Respect and Fear are the same thing, never having learned any different.
He now wants to drill that debased morality into some of the most vulnerable kids in London. To teach them that violence gets results. And by doing so, intends to make them stop being violent. The man is clearly deranged.

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